Ben Affleck: Are we gonna have a problem... again?
Must kill him, doesn't it! But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.
F***in', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherf***ing nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker. Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me. Chaka: I film this, I yell cut and then I get the f*** outta here back to my trailer because I got more white girls in there then the first lifeboat of the Titanic and they all want a part in my movie and I got just the part for 'em! Reco'nize. Jay: Look, man. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for. Passerby: What the hell?
Chaka: Then taste it. Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir. Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. Every day people hitch to Hollywood to stop studios from making films about 'em, but when you and me try it, it's like we're trapped in a f***in' cartoon. Damn, these white boys can't fight. Chaka: Crazy crackers with guns. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
James Van Der Beek: Jay. Requesting backup.
It does whatever the f*** I tell it to.
After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog.
Quotes will be submitted for approval by the RT staff. the wrong way.
We're gonna f*** your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Whillenholly: Wow. Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy?
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy"? Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... F***beans.
Maybe it's some kind of super monkey. Show some respect. Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid f***ing movie. And after the fall of man, these monkey f***s'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image.
Stealing the little monkey! Chaka's Production Assistant: Here's your coffee sir. Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. A bunch of uppity homosexuals shooting their mouths off to liberal media that the Federal Wildlife Marshall office persecutes gays. No, it always comes back to that f***ing pie! Hi, I'm Banky Edwards, the creator of "Bluntman and Chronic."
You are the ones who are the ball-lickers.
Whillenholly: Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.
Jay: Holy hell, is that monkey waving at us? Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this f***ing face.
Chaka: I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody. Fred: Great. Unless you show up at all their houses and beat the shit out of them. Love, Jay and Silent Bob. Sidney Poitier’s 7 Most Memorable Performances, All Harry Potter Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Everything You Need to Know About the Snyder Cut of.
James Van Der Beek: At least call me by the right f***ing character. Justice: They didn't really steal the monkey.
It's the fifth comedy in Smith's celebrated New Jersey "trilogy." She doesn't want to go back to the lab. Jay: What?
This little monkey could be the f***in' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. Oh, but I think it is.
Banky: What've I been telling you?
Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes. Oh shit.
We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Permalink: Tickets? No shit stains on my undies. Five hours and not a single ride.
Whillenholly: No the clit is real. Hooker #2: As nasty as you want to be, papi.
You are the ones who are the ball-lickers! Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? Well, F*** that. Jay: Hey. It's really a f***ing drag. Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this f***in' movie from getting made!
Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.
Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk. Willenholly: Oh, great. Since when did they start charging for the bus? As you failed to do that, Banky... you are in breach of the original contract.
And Tubby here is my black man servant.
It's never "Hey! That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me! We've gotta go. Chaka: Oh, you're the executive producer. DAMN YOUS!
Jay: Dude, I think I just filled the cup. Your Momma's going to try to score.
Get the f*** off her.
Jay: Yo. And then she goes and sucks two other guys' dicks off instead. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I f*** on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. James Van Der Beek: You actually watch that show? When it comes down to business, this is what I do. Ben Affleck: Oh, now you're the director. Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.
Silent Bob's Mother: Bobby Boy, stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, kay?
Hooker #1: Oh, that's it, honey! Chaka: You went to film school didn't you?
(While humping Silent Bob) I can't believe I'm gonna get some pussy for stealing the monkey! Not this little fuck, none of you little fucks out there.
Willenholly: Put the monkey down, and your hands up.
WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?". Catchy, ain't it?
[after his fist gets sliced off] Not again. When the f*** can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Randal Graves: See? No one rules C.L.I.T. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. With sidesplitting dialogue and rampant profanity, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back reunites Kevin Smith's dynamic duo in supreme lowbrow style. You used to be into all this girl stuff.
What? A 10-82 is disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer. Taste the booger flavor. James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie! Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2.
Go to hell, Pacey! Jay: I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some f***in titties floppin around, yeah! We're going to Hollywood! Holden: No, but it's Miramax. Aren't you the guy who f***ed the pie! We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny bitches. Hooper: You should be. Matt Damon: And sometimes, you do Reindeer Games. Not this little f***. When it comes down to business, this is what I do. Since when did they start charging for the bus? Willenholly: Oh my God. Tricia Jones: Why didn't Miramax option his other comic instead. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Here Quick-Stop potheads Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith) wreak vengeance on Hollywood, where Miramax is making a "Bluntman & Chronic" feature inspired by J. and S.B., but without their permission. I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic.
You are the ones who are the ball-lickers.
And the only thing I do recognize right now, is a political fiasco here, that I'm about to avoid by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go.
At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it. And I got just the thing for that. Come on, Silent Bob. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back With sidesplitting dialogue and rampant profanity, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back reunites Kevin Smith's dynamic duo in supreme lowbrow style. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out. Spead my cheeks, so he can see the f***ing stink nuggets! Jay: Three days to stop that f***ing movie from getting made.
OH and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry - YOU MANIACS!
It's the new millennium. Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free? Cock-Knocker: Don't f*** with the Jedi Master, son.
[typing a message on an internet chat room] All you motherfuckers are gonna pay.
Will you f*** me when you get out?